


a cycle of naivety, lies, (and distrust in what is laid to rest)

by sunflower_8



Series: komahina week 2020 ! [4]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Talentswap (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Hah You Thought I'd Give You Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, The Project trademakred, bruh idk, kind of, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:34:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23846056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_8/pseuds/sunflower_8
Summary: it’s a matter of luck, and he hates his luck, he hates putting faith and worth into something less valuable than hard work, but there has to be a payoff for this situation. there always is. maybe komaeda will find the resolve to keep going,or maybe komaeda will die.(or, hinata tries to cling to the last shred of his family)
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Series: komahina week 2020 ! [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1713769
Comments: 17
Kudos: 79
Collections: KomaHina Week 2020





	a cycle of naivety, lies, (and distrust in what is laid to rest)

“how do you survive this?”

hinata quirks his eyebrows, looking over at komaeda, laying on the floor with a neutral expression. the brunet falters in his steps as he rises from a desk chair to kneel next to his best friend who posed the question, his hand inches away from komaeda’s fluffy, overgrown hair. he bites his lip-- tentative, worried-- before he asks, “what do you mean, komaeda?”

the answer is almost immediate, another question spawned from nothing. “life. how do you handle it?” komaeda’s eyes don’t tear away from the empty ceiling, stormy grey eyes with nothing in them. it’s terrifying, seeing him like that, so  _ vacant _ . there’s usually a kind of  _ rush  _ in his features, a thousand tasks that need to be done,

but now, he just looks tired.

“i just do, i guess.” hinata replies, running his hand through his companion’s hair. “why do you ask, komaeda?”

he knows the answer. he’s just surprised it had to come then, at three in the afternoon with books and worksheets scattered on the floor with no indication of distress. although, it’s unreasonable to be surprised, especially since he’s the ultimate luck and unpredictability is welcomed with stiff, reluctant arms.

he’s more surprised, then, that he hadn’t predicted this better.

komaeda’s eyes flutter shut, leaning into the warmth. there’s a certain contempt in his voice, scalding, as he says, “i have  _ nothing,  _ hinata-kun. i’m stuck in a cycle of endlessly working to no avail, to no gain. and that’s what i deserve-- i deserve the misery, the pain, of having nothing to rely on, but i’m unsure why i’m even alive, ahah.” he smiles, but it’s fake and dripping with unspoken pain. “i’m lesser than everyone. you’re my only friend, and you’re worlds better than me, because you’re-”

“i’m not better than you just because i’m an ultimate.” hinata cuts in. “my talent is  _ luck _ , komaeda. compared to others, i-”

“at least you have a talent, hinata-kun.” komaeda says coolly. “at least you didn’t spend years trying to be something, not knowing how, knowing  _ now  _ that i’m just a stepping stool for hope, knowing now that my effort all went to waste.”

“i’m sorry.” hinata doesn’t know what else to say.

he shakes his head. “it’s fine, hinata-kun. it’s not your fault that i’m so incompetent.” 

the room feels colder, the spring betrayed in cherry blossoms lacking the warmth it always did, always does. hinata considers, briefly, leaving, but he knows he’s in this situation for a reason. it’s a matter of luck, and he  _ hates  _ his luck, he hates putting faith and worth into something less valuable than hard work, but there has to be a payoff for this situation. there always is. maybe komaeda will find the resolve to keep going,

or maybe komaeda will die.

that’s how luck is. disastrous, destructive, detrimental. hinata just prays that komaeda won’t fall victim to it. 

although, he very easily  _ could.  _ he’s a reserve who puts himself in risky positions. he’s self destructive and self hating, doing all that he can to get himself hurt, to benefit  _ hope _ . hinata figures he’d do the same, really, if he had been a reserve. he isn’t, of course, but he tries his best to persuade his luck to keep komaeda safe. it’s hard, but  _ anything _ to stop the impending storm of chaos, always a step ahead of hinata’s logic. of course, there’s always the chance that there isn’t any storm upcoming, that the luck may end,

but hinata hears whispers around the campus of a secret project-- as secret as anything could be with years of ultimate detectives present and a single student with enough luck to hear conversations and find misplaced files. it’s a project that involves  _ human experimentation,  _ to create the ultimate  _ hope,  _ taking a reserve and bringing them to glory,

of course, at the prices of their humanity. their personality. at the price of everything.

hinata doesn’t know if komaeda knows. he hopes-- god, he  _ hopes _ \-- that he hasn’t, because if the reserve discovers this project, he would throw himself at the scientists with all the force he can muster. he hates himself, deeply, and nothing hinata can do to change that. the idea of shedding everything that makes komaeda  _ komaeda _ in order to breed hope…

… there would be no hesitation. 

hinata doesn’t know how long the naivety will last. he wishes for forever but knows he will get nothing close.

he’s jarred by komaeda letting out a soft laugh and speaking again. “if i died, nobody would grieve me.”

“that’s not  _ true,  _ komaeda.” there’s an edge in his voice, one that pleads,  _ please, please don’t die.  _

“it is.”

“komaeda-”

“please don’t lie to me.” his voice is quieter than it usually is, meeker. “please don’t promise something you can’t defend. i’m trash, hinata-kun. i… i wish i was lucky.” hinata’s breath catches. “i wish i was  _ something _ . anything. but… hinata-kun probably doesn’t know, does he?”

“komaeda,” is all he’s able to say, all he can choke out behind a lump in his throat.

his smile is pleasant in all the ways hinata has thought about, all the ways he expected. “if there was a chance for me to become something better, would you give me your blessing? i’d be able to inspire hope, hinata-kun, i…” he opens his eyes and sits up, looking at hinata with a reverent expression. “i could be with  _ you _ -”

“ko,” he interrupts, his heart pounding. “don’t.”

he frowns. “why not?”

“it’s dangerous.”

“everything is dangerous, hinata-kun,” he points out. “you must know that better than anyone.”

“i can tell when shit is going to go wrong.” it’s a slight bluff but a believable one. “you’re going to get hurt. i can’t let you. i can’t let you do this.”

“i have to, hinata-kun!” his voice jumps a pitch, raises in volume. his eyes are frantic and scattered again, scanning the room as if there is a threat, as if the threat isn’t sitting in the bottom of his heart, in the back of his mind. hinata grabs his arms, but his grip is thrown off as komaeda continues speaking rapidly, “i have to do this. i can’t live like this anymore, i can’t do it. hinata, you don’t understand, i have to do this.”

“you don’t.” komaeda shakes his head but hinata doesn’t relent. “you don’t, ko! you can’t throw everything you have-”

“i have  _ nothing _ !”

“you have me!”

“that doesn’t  _ matter,  _ hinata-kun! i need this, i-”

“and what if i need  **_you_ ** , komaeda?!  _ what then _ ?!”

the silence that fills the room stings hinata’s skin, burns his eyes. he stares at the other, his chest heaving behind a reserve course uniform as his eyes widen. komaeda looks like he’s breathing too quick, too much, but hinata doesn’t feel like he can breathe at all. he debates a response to himself-- an apology, an elaboration-- but he can’t say a thing,

especially not when komaeda suddenly clings to him, hugging him suffocatingly as he lets out a tearless sob, something ripped from the back of his throat, something hinata has never heard in years of suffering, years punctuated by the presence of luck.

despite it all, it’s komaeda who breaks the silence, tentative and scared. “hinata-kun, you don’t mean that.”

“we’re both orphans.” his voice is empty in the same way komaeda’s was earlier, but he tries to fill the gaps with the warmth he knows he has to feel, should feel. “i lost my family a long time ago. so did you. you  _ are _ my family, ko. you’ve always been there-- my best friend, the first person i’ve ever…  _ cared _ about, in a realer way, in a more raw way. i can’t lose you to some dumbass project because you believe you don’t deserve me. you do. i don’t give a fuck if you don’t have luck or if you’re talentless, because i want  _ you _ .” by the time he finishes, he’s breathless and komaeda’s face is darker than before. 

the shift in his eyes can be described as a yearning for something deadly, something bred from adrenaline. he looks like the silence of the room, the gentleness of the confession, is damning. his breaths have become more shallow, more desperate, and he looks sad when he whispers, “you deserve better than me.”

hinata shakes his head. “i don’t  _ want _ better. i want you. i  _ need  _ you.” komaeda sobs again at that, and he tugs him closer to his chest, finally hearing a sniffle as his shoulder dampens from his tears. hinata impulsively kisses his temple and komaeda nestles closer, cries louder. “don’t do the project, ko,” he mutters. “i’d be nothing without you.”

a beat. a break. a moment when hinata finally, finally allows himself to think they’ll be okay. and then, the soft affirmation, lacking the lilt of enthusiasm, of promise, but still tangible. “okay.”

“okay?” 

komaeda tenses for an infinitesimal second before relaxing, melting fully into hinata’s embrace. “okay.” 

hinata breathes again.

his family is safe, even if it’s just the two of them. even if it’s always ever been just the two of them. they’ll be okay. “we’ll be okay.”

komaeda lets out an abrupt laugh, one that hinata doesn’t question. he doesn’t question it, either, when komaeda adjusts to kiss his cheek. he blushes instead as komaeda whispers, “i hope so.”

hinata doesn’t know what else to say, so he moves his hands to cup komaeda’s cheeks and kiss him, the awkward, bittersweet kiss acting as the seal to his promise of an eternity of safety, of family, of survival. and, despite everything, komaeda kisses him back, as if to say  _ i believe you, in us _ .

(months later, as the hallways lack the familiar voice that can soothe him, as the walls echo the name of the reserve who gave himself up,

hinata thinks that beyond the cycle of good luck, bad luck, beyond the cycle of hard work, no reward, beyond the cycle of everything he always knew, and the promises he made to try and fix it,

there’s a cycle of a family, and then nothing.)

**Author's Note:**

> talentswap au | flirting | family
> 
> bruh my mind really bout to oppress me on my own terrain,,,, the disrespect
> 
> ANYWAY my og idea with this long thing about like them being on a date and then i realized sis can't WRITE that so uhhhhhh lets suffer together??? cool? cool
> 
> dude ngl this is probably like shit i was spaced out writing this and i also figured out the logistics after writing half of it so if there's a thread of thought that makes no sens,,,, yeah idk i'll just cry ig
> 
> okay tomorrow's prompt is going to destroy me but we b vibing have a nice day everyone please hydrate


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